Lucy You Got Some Splainin To Do
Christians have made a cottage industry out of coming up
with far-fetched and implausible “explanations” to all the contradictions
found within their “perfect” Bible. Being a religion of the book (no book =
no religion) they’ve spared no effort of imagination or dishonesty when it
comes to thinking up new ways to defend the same old contradictions. The problem
is, we’ve been letting them get by for too long with their far-fetched
“explanations” and it’s time we put a stop to it, so here goes…
“Could-Have-Been” Scenarios
If there is no evidence to back up their endless
“could-have-been” scenarios, then they are to be rejected as mere
speculations, which even their own Bible condemns:
But refuse foolish and ignorant
speculations… (2Tim 2:23 NASB)
Speculations and unfounded claims would not be allowed into
any courtroom in this land, so why do we put up with the same from Christians
here in the court of human reasoning?
Even in a Christian marriage, such verbal shenanigans as
the Christians routinely pull upon us Atheists would not be tolerated. A
“could-have-been” minus any evidence to back it up would not be entertained,
discussed, or even taken seriously. For example, imagine a jealous wife catching
her husband, let’s say the Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, in bed with another woman,
just like we Atheists catch the Bible in contradictions. There are possibly
hundreds of “explanations” and “could-have-been’s” the imaginative
Reverend could come up with to try to get out of a situation like this. In fact,
on the wall, right next to his bed, he should have a little red box with a glass
front that says: In case of adultery, break glass for list of excuses.
Here is what might be on the good Reverend’s list}
How To Save Ass From
Wrathful Wife:
q
I was hypnotized to do it.
q
I was abducted by aliens in a UFO who took over my mind.
q
The woman said she’d kill you unless I had sex with her.
q
There was no woman in bed- that was a hologram.
q
That wasn’t me with the woman- it was my evil twin.
q
You were hallucinating honey- who you gonna trust, me or your
lying eyes?
q
You were hallucinating honey- I could never cheat on you, for I
said along time ago that I wouldn’t, and I can’t lie, therefore you must be
hallucinating.
q
I found her frozen outside and had to apply body heat to save her
life.
q
I don’t know who she is honey! She must have broke into the
house while I was asleep, snuck into bed, and when I rolled over I accidentally
put my penis inside of her without knowing it.
Explanations such as these without the evidence to back
them up would be dismissed out of hand. This is just common sense, and anybody
who’s being honest will admit it. The only explanations that should be
entertained are those that come with good and sufficient evidence. If there is
NO evidence to back up an explanation (which is usually the case with cheating
husbands and Christian apologists) then the explanation is to be rejected on
that ground alone, if nothing else. We don’t have to waste even a minute of
our time trying to reason with the unreasonable who have no reasons for their
hair-brained “explanations” An alibi, without corroborating evidence to back
it up, is not an allowable alibi. The contradiction stands, and inerrancy falls.
Christians can see the contradictions, that’s not the
problem. The problem is, they don’t want to see the
contradictions. This can be easily proven. Find an obscure contradiction in the
Old Testament, and show it to a Fundy, but don’t tell him it’s from his
Bible- say it’s from The Book of Mormon. The Fundy will have no problem
clearly seeing the contradiction, as long as it’s from some other religion’s
holy book. Go ahead and tell him the “explanations” used by the
“Mormons” (in reality the Christians) and he might even get a good belly
laugh at those “stupid Mormons” for trying to pass off on people such lame
excuses. By this exercise, you will see that the problem is not in seeing the
contradictions- the problem is in the Christians not allowing themselves to see
the contradictions when they reside between the covers of their own Bible. But
love is blind, and these people love their book. Just as a woman in love won’t
believe anything bad about her scumbag husband, so also a Christian won’t
believe anything bad about his gods or the book the gods supposedly wrote.
Apparent Contradictions
When Christians admit that there is at least an “apparent
contradiction” in reality they have admitted there is a real
contradiction, for if the given evidence doesn’t resolve the contradiction,
then it is a real contradiction unless and until shown otherwise by good and
valid evidence. Speculations, unsupported alibis, wishful thinking, and
far-fetched “what if” scenarios do not constitute solutions to
contradictions, nor change a contradiction into a harmless “apparent”
contradiction. If within the given database there appears a contradiction for
which there’s no solution within the given database, then the contradiction
stands. Christians must no longer be allowed to manufacture “solutions” out
of thin air to “explain” Bible contradictions the way teenagers manufacture
excuses to explain why their room didn’t get cleaned. Christian hypotheticals
used to “explain” contradictions must no longer be granted any weight.
It’s not our fault they have a doctrine of inerrancy which requires
intellectual dishonesty to defend- maybe it’s time they change the damn
doctrine! Next time a Christian wants to be granted leeway with the “it’s
only an apparent contradiction” routine, take your apparent boot and
shove it up his apparent ass. To flippantly dismiss the hundreds of major
contradictions within the Bible by labeling them “apparent” is similar to
holocaust deniers claiming the disappearance of six million Jews was only
“apparent” genocide.
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They See More Than A Contradiction
Christian Fundies have intellectually and emotionally
locked themselves into a position that forces them, in desperation, to lie to us
and themselves. They’ve grown up pretending their gods exist, and pretending
that these gods are perfect. Naturally, perfect gods could only produce a
perfect book. The logical outcome of their fantasy is that for them to honestly
face up to the fact that their Bible is less than perfect would force them to
admit their gods are too, and therefore might not even exist, and therefore
everything they’ve lived for up to now might have been a big lie.
WE see a contradiction, but THEY see their whole world
crashing down around them, and believe it from one who’s been there and done
that- it feels just like someone knocked the wind out of you. Picture Jim Carrey
in the movie “The *Truman Show”. Imagine his feelings upon discovering that
his entire world and worldview had not been real. Or picture Keanu Reeves in
“The Matrix”, how hard it was for him to accept the same conclusion. Where
Alfred Atheist sees a contradiction in the Bible, Fred Fundy sees a lot more}
q
He sees his wife divorcing him.
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He sees his kids hating him.
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He sees his church- the one he’s been in since diapers-
excommunicating him.
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He sees his Christian boss at work firing him.
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He sees his parents being embarrassed by him.
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He sees heaven & eternal life evaporating before his eyes.
Fred Fundy has a lot more at stake than Alfred Atheist if
he admits to a contradiction in his beloved Bible. For that reason, any
“explanation” no matter how far fetched, is better than the truth. Most Fred
Fundy’s would rather continue in a comfortable lie than wake up to a cold
harsh reality. Again- flash back to “The Matrix”. In “The Matrix” one of
the rebels decided he’d rather go back to the matrix, to the dream world where
he ate fine steaks in expensive restaurants. Reality- and its bland biomass slop
for food, was just too harsh for him. He preferred the matrix, as do most
Christians, ditto for drug addicts. They would all rather inhabit an artificial
world between their ears than face the real world as it is- and they don’t
give a rat’s ass that it’s fake- it feels better, and that’s all that
matters to them. For Christians, the myth of an eternal heaven of bliss is a
more tasty steak than the vegeburgers of reality offered up by us Atheists.
Atheists will lament “But we have the truth!” but all
the while, no one seems to want the truth. There are lots of truths out there
competing for airtime that most people would rather ignore. Millions of smokers
blind themselves to the truth of how they are slowly killing themselves every
time they light up. They know the truth, but it’s not really high on their
priority list. A nicotine rush is a more enjoyable for them than “the
truth”. Look at obese people- do you think they obsess over clogged arteries
every time they pack it away? Look at people who don’t exercise- and this
includes many theologians- they know “the truth” that lack of exercise will
kill them. Does that motivate them out of their easy chair to the gym or
treadmill? Most of humanity is happier in their comfortable lies than “the
truth” and people in general seem to value happiness as their priority in
life. “The truth” is not high up on their list. Their myths give them
pleasure; “the truth” does not. Smokers don’t want the truth; what they
want is another cigarette. Obese people don’t want the truth; what they want
is that next juicy steak. And Christians sure as hell don’t want the truth;
what they want are their pleasant myths. Given the choice of harsh reality, or
the warmth of the matrix, Christians will pick to crawl back into their
theological matrix almost every time, where no amount of lecturing them about
“the truth” can dislodge them.
Conclusion
Don’t humor Christians by attempting to refute their
“explanations” which, due to the lack of evidence, are their own best
refutation. To borrow one of my own phrases, “No Evidence, No Belief.” If
they’ve got nothing but hot air and speculations as solutions to Biblical
contradictions, the contradiction remains: you’ve already won the argument.
You don’t have to waste your time on verbal volleyball (unless, of course,
you’re really bored!). And as for those Christians who value the mindless
dogma of inerrancy over and above the truth- let them remain in their matrix.
They deserve it. They don’t want to be set free. Better a fantasy steak and an
error-free book than the harsh reality of having to think for oneself.
*For Luddites, Mennonites,
Nazarene’s and anyone else out there who still won’t enter a movie theater,
here are some web sites to bring you up to cultural speed:
The Truman Show}
http://www.transparencynow.com/truman.htm
The Matrix}
http://whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com/
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